


You Are My Sunshine

by Mercia



Series: you only get what you grieve (or gratuitous loki whump w/no plot) [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Drabble, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Pre-Thor (2011), Symbolism, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 13:57:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13660416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercia/pseuds/Mercia
Summary: Never regret thy fall,O Icarus of the fearless flightFor the greatest tragedy of them allIs never to feel the burning light.





	You Are My Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> Um so I wrote this as a rare healthy self coping mechanism (and for once it actually might have worked so wow I'm shooketh) so if it's a bit crap and family I apologise. But also pls be nice.

When Loki was young, the world had always seemed to revolve around his brother. And you know, he did not mind it. Liked it. Felt safe within his orbit.

After all, Thor's light had shone on _everyone,_ kept them happy and content. Why would he be any different?

It was a sort of strange gravity. Unintentional but warm and bright and nice.

It was the sort of thing that reached beyond Asgard to all the Nine Realms. And beyond even them. The power of it would be told in poems and sung in songs for a great many millennia to come.

The crown Prince of Asgard had a warm heart. A strong heart. A big one. Sensitive and bright and full. Open to everything and everyone. Loved by all and all loving. Perhaps if such a title was made, he could be Allbrother, along with his Allfather and Allmother. For it was not only his golden locks which were fair.

And it made him strong. His brave, honourable, unyielding soul made him _strong._ A mighty warrior. Which actually made a lot of sense.

Except it had made Loki confused.

Because he had always been told to admire his Thor. Strive for his kind of glory. That honest greatness. Valour.

But then in the very same breath father had told him to harden his heart.

The slights had been silly, barely insults, and he could not allow them to ring true. There would be no _argr_ in the House of Odin.

If he was too soft, he would become weak.

And that had made sense too.

So how, Loki had thought, could two such truths coexist? What strange logical paradox was this?

Harden your heart.

Open it up like Thor.

Radiate warmth.

You are too sensitive.

Conceal your thoughts.

Don't lie, trickster.

And he knew there were different ways to have strength, but here it was not only the abundance which mattered, but the type. Quantity _and_ quality. Both things he'd seemed to fall short of.

As per.

I'm mother's nursery rhymes, whispered in lilting soft lips, it had always been what was inside that matters as opposed to the outside. And so what was Loki, second prince of the great golden Asgard, that he would be so lacking in both? With not even strength or brawn to be even canonfodder?

 

 

 

Thor had always been described as the glorious sun. In contrast, Loki had been occasionally called the moon.

Always changing, waxing and waning, sometimes not there at all. Only a crude imitation of the light of the sun, haunting and beautiful in its own strange way. But still pale incomparison to the giant yellow sun.

For silver was always second to gold, and gold second to none.

It fit, Loki supposed. He could see easily how the less imaginative might have made the connection.

Loki had one better though.

Because, you see, Loki had always been seen to orbit around Thor. Never one without the other. And moons did not truly obit around suns. At least not primarily. No, they revolved around planets which revolved around their sun. A second hand sort of attraction.

 _And_ Loki did not reflect the same type of light as Thor (he did not shine at all.)

So no. Loki was not a moon. Not a moon and more a shadow.

Always following.

Always just a slip away.

Serving to brighten what it aspired to be.

Fast and wary.

And no, Loki was not true darkness. He was not that vain, and he had come to the realisation that he could simply not be without Thor.

Their fates were intwined.

Not darkness, not a moon, just a _shadow._

He helped to highlight his brother's importance.

His brother helped to buy his existence.

Such was the way of the universe.

But Loki did not like to indulge in these poetic musings often. Could not allow himself to think in rhymes and riddles to himself. Only to speak in such a tongue when it would serve him.

But it still fell into place. In everything he did and everywhere he went and everything and everywhere he didn't. Especially the didn't.

For it had been Thor, and then Sif and her Warriors Three, and then the Crown Prince's little brother.

For it had been the hero, and his companions, and the bother.

For it had been the sun, and it's planets, and the shadow.

But that had been fine. It had been safe and he was close enough to the warmth that even if he could not quite feel it, he had basked next to it and that had been good. The nearest thing to greatness.

It still didn't make sense to him. The paradox. For how could he be both soft and brittle, warm and cold, bright and concealed?

But it was all right. He didn't have to be both.

He didn't have to be anything.

(Shadows were only a lack after all.)

Just follow Thor around and maybe even sometimes nudge him a little to shine in the right place.

Because Thor was the _sun._

Even when Loki had grown up a little and realised that the sun could burn. Could dry up the very earth. Could make people ill with stroke. Could devastate with too heavy a hand.

It was still the sun. And better a world too bright and hot and blinding, than a world too dark and frozen.

If you had the sun you had the world. And that was it, wasn't it?

Because Thor was the world, he was the moon, he was the air and the sky and the ground and all that was living. For he was the hero and the leader and the general and the King and the Dragon and all the eagles and the feathers on their wings. He was their strength and refuge. Herald. Saviour. He was the morning and the evening star. If he said the day was night and the night was day so it would be.

For Thor was the sun.

And Loki would rather be consumed by its rays and burnt and blinded, than not have looked at all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading I guess. (But seriously)
> 
> Also are u proud I actually wrote in past tense?? Now I'm even more shooketh.


End file.
